wanted it to come asap but at the same time, wanted it to come later.. cos i'm not fully prepared yet.. not even 30% for each paper which are held consecutively in 2 more days.. a gone case for me.. i think..
the 2 papers that i already had were terrible.. i should have woke up from the dream earlier.. there is no chance at all to get a 2nd upper.. let alone a 2nd lower.. i must stop deceiving myself..
now the possiblity is either a third class or a pass degree or retake a year..
so sian!! i think the mood to study is disappearing.. oh no!! i really want to mug on it..
但是我却是心有余儿力不足.. 唉... 怎么办呢??
i am already super disappointed with my first paper.. i don't want to have the same feeling for the rest of my papers!! i don't want to let the history repeat!! somebody help!!!!!!
i know it is the last lap.. but this lap seems very hard for me to complete.. or rather, i should say, it's hard for me to complete it beautifully..
haiz.. what's wrong with me? i don't want to destroy myself in this way.. but i really feel like giving up! it's so demoralising.. sucks..
天啊!!! really shock to know that there is such a person in this world..
saw this news few days ago.. heard this happened when the girl couldn't login to play her online game during the mourning period for the casualties of china earthquake.. (if i nv rem wrongly)
does she have a heart? just because there's no game for her to play, does it mean that she can say all these horrible and harsh words? furthermore, they are people from her own country, with the same skin type.... really can't imagine there's existence of such people!!
so horrible!! so cold-blooded!!
and she recorded this and put it online all by herself.. so stupid of her to do this.. she wants other people to criticise her?? this is another idiotic mistake she made..
yesterday's paper was terribly hard.. a disastrous one!! it was like whatever i studied didnt come out.. the format was also abit different.. as in, it used to have an independent topic for a question.. now, a question got a mixture of topics, and so i couldn't answer a full question totally.. depressed.. the popular topic was not out too (to think i had spent so much time on it!!) in the end, i chose 2 qualitative type of questions instead of 1, 2 quantitative questions to do instead of 3..
also, because i was sick yesterday, i couldn't focus well and memorised better.. haiz.. i got hard time tahan-ing in the cold cold exam hall, my nose kept 'running'... used up 2 packets of tissue within 3 hrs..
stupid la.. why not-so-serious-sickness worsen during the night before my exam? midnight during my sleep, my throat was so sore that i couldn't sleep, so woke up to drink water.. that was 3+am.. at 4+am, i woke up again.. this time the pain was so terrible that i went to drink the pi pa gao.. hoping to smooth the pain and let me sleep soundly.. but, i woke up again ard 5am, cos my running nose acted again.. ah!! i did popped a flu pill previously.. but it doesnt work!! and for the next few hrs, i'd been waking up to blow off the mucus.. (yucks..)
my quality sleep was gone! (meanwhile, i still can hear ppl cheering in the neighbourhood.. too engrossed in the soccer match liao) woke up later than planned, caused wanted to makeup some sleep.. (sleep is very impt to me, especially exam period!) haiz..
tried very hard to memo all relevant info, but the info seemed very hard to get in.. and so during exam, when i was looking through the question, i got mental block immediately.. haizz.. and i specially went to revise my mock paper.. there was a similar part which came out in the actual!! but i had forgotten how to do.. wth.. i think i will fail this paper =(
my transcript is becoming uglier liao.. zzz.. and if i really failed this, i cant afford to fail another, cos if i do, i will only get a 'pass' for my degree..
the journey to and fro expo was so tiring.. i feel so soft, so nua.. i felt my back, my waist and my neck aching as i was standing throughout the journey.. total 3 hrs!! and i didnt include the walking time from the mrt station to the hall, and from my house to the mrt station.. so exhausted!! the walking journey back home from the mrt station seemed to be taking ages.. cos basically, i was 'crawling' home..
i went home, eat a tiny portion of dinner, really cant tahan anymore.. so went to see doc.. i hate to see doctor!! cos, private clinic is expensive.. secondly, i hate swallowing big big pills.. sob sob.. i can spend half an hour eating them de lor.. zzz... anyway, when the doc asked mi what happened, i said, 'fever, flu, sore throat and cough'. he replied, 'ooo.. full house wor'.. so funny.. den he asked me where i was working? i said i'm still a student.. and then he asked me whether i got attend lesson.. i replied him that i went for exam.. he was kinda shock and said, 'wah, still go for exam' and asked me how was the paper.. haiz.. anyway, my fever at 8+pm then was 38.5˚C, i wondered how high was it during my exam.. hmmm.. anyway, he wanted to give me 3-5 days MC, but i'm not schooling nor working.. so no use of having it.. haha oh ya, not forgetting to complain... there are 6 types of medication.. (see! that's why i don't want to see doctor!) zzz.. this doc trip cost me a bomb!! $70 =.= the clinic assistant told me the antibiotics pills are the main reason for the high cost..
PS: popped pills not long ago.. hence get drowsy.. so if there's any mistake in the flow of language or typo error.. do forgive.. lol..
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today's the start of GSS!! i want to shop!! princess dini jio to shop at toa payoh, dear min jio to shop at city area too!! ahhh!! but i can't go for both!! T_T yesterday after my exam, there's robinson sales at expo too.. but i was too sick to shop!! =( i want to shop.. i got alot of things to get!! if i shop after the whole exam period.. i will get disappointment most of the time since my size is a common size and the colour and design i like are most likely to be sold out..
PPS: my fingers are too weak for typing.. keep missing out typing few letters.. zzz.. so took quite long to post this.. should go sleep rite? haiz..
ahhhh!! i am not getting any better.. this time i am in real shit liao.. can't finish studying and i'm sick.. i dun wan.. *panicking*
please... dun play a joke on me ler.. i dun wan to take my 1st paper with such condition tmr!! hope after a night of sleep, i can recover tmr!!
*praying hard*
*second class seems to be moving further and further away from me..................................................................................................
i feel so sick these 2 days.. but i dunno what is/are the cause(s).. so sian..
possible causes: - have been eating too much heaty food, thus causing sore throat. - stupid wisdom tooth on my bottom left side is squeezing the way out (i could only see a tiny part of it previously.. think now is 'officailly' growing out). end up got toothache, make mi dun feel like eating. open my mouth wide wide ache, biting or chewing oso ache.. =( then heard that some ppl will fall sick for growing wisdom tooth (i didn't fall sick for the previous 2 teeth). haiz.. hopefully my 4th tooth will not give mi any problem (i saw a tiny part of it too le!!) - incorrect sleeping habit. - the hot weather.
haiz.. maybe is combination of all? zzz.. pls get well before my 1st paper.. feeling feverish now.. *ouch* trying hard not to yawn =.=
first the cyclone, now the earthquake.. is this a protest from our mother earth? or is it a revenge from her? for we keep harming her..
so many casualties so many missing people so many injured people so many homeless people so many hungry people so many heart-broken people
and before you know it, diseases will start to spread.
some lost their parents some lost their spouses some lost their childrens some lost their friends
all in all, their love ones are being taken away by the disaster. a terrifying natural disaster which is unavoidable.
so sad to see the various reports on aftermath of both disasters. even sadder for the earthquake cos it was really a BIG issue. 7.8 on the richter scale. almost half of the china was affected.
it's so heart-wrenching to see the photos and tv news report on it. especially when seeing some hopeful faces turning into disappointed ones, when family members holding the hand of the deads, breaking down. and when one is crying hopelessly for his/her dear ones.
nevertheless, there are some rejoiceful scenes. survivors are being carried out from the debris. a heart-warming smile on each of the faces who have found their family members safe and sound. the rescuers doing their very best to search for survivors within the debris, despite the poor weather. the doctors and medical teams doing their best to help the survivors.
i'm lucky to be born here, a natural disaster free country. but, if we humans continue to damage mother earth, i'm afraid a natural disaster free country will not exist in the near future.
here's one of the clips for mayday concert.. (min, thanx alot~ ^^)
song performed: lian ai-ing
so sian.. the limit of uploading a video here is 100MB..
there's another video i wanted to upload but it exceeds the limit only by a slight amount!! zzz.. this video that i wanted to upload is much nicer!! i like the interaction before the song and the song performed (终结孤单) in it.. and the animation in the screen is so cute too!
(一起跳, 一起跳, 一起跳..............)
ps: want to watch that can get from mi.. lol..
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i am getting broke from buying their stuff.. zzz..
1st their concert, then the t shirt (designed by ashin and his fren) and now, the upcoming long awaited JUMP! concert dvd.
B-R-O-K-E
anyway, i struggled alot when deciding to buy that tshirt.. cos i love the front design but have a little dislike for the design at the back of the shirt. cos it's quite complicated for me. but then, it's a t shirt with 'exam' theme. wanted to get it as a memento to mark my last exam period in the whole study life. keke.. cos at the back of the tshirt, there's a large print of 'exam's over!' hoho..
edited: eee.. i condemn uploading video here.. oops..
yesterday as i were walking home from a long day of mugging, a 'scary' thing happened.
i was listening to a light-hearted song and started to walk along with the 3-beat rhythm. 1--2--3, 1--2--3. i started to feel very peaceful and relaxed.
but after awhile, my mood swing took place.
i suddenly felt very restless and can't focus well. initially i thought i was too tired but that was not the reason. i realised i did not follow the lyrics of the song (which i usually do and will sing along softly) and it was as if i can only hear the melody of the song (maybe i got too focused on the rhythm).
then, i got this dying-soon-feeling. i can't sense the presence of my weight but i know i was still pacing with the rhythm. 1--2--3, 1--2--3. i just don't know why i got this sudden mood swing. the rhythm, the pacing and the dying feeling were the only ones in my mind. depressed and down were the next 2 feelings known to me.
then the song stopped. the next song played in my mp3player was a rock song. i followed the beat of the rhythm again. by right it should make me high since it is a rock song. but my mood was unaffected. i still felt like i was dying soon.
the next thing i know was to complete the rest of the walking journey home with this kind of feeling. it was as if something else is controlling me. definitely not my mind. is it my subconscious?
anyway, whatever it is, luckily it directed me home.
when i got home, this kind of feeling stayed with me for quite sometime. i just replied coldly to whoever was talking to me and i sat down at the sofa watching tv in daze, sliently.
ee.. scary ler.. though got this dying-soon feeling before, but it wasn't that serious in the past. what is exactly wrong with me??
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oh no!! i got disfigured!! sob sob
don't know what happened during my sleep last night. must be my itchy hand!! scratched and scratched till i got a thin slit which is at least 1 cm on my nose!! ahh... got scar liao!! oh no~~ i am disfigured!!
left exactly 2 more weeks to my 1st paper. i am finally able to feel the stress rushing up since the start of this month. is it too late to have this feeling? i hope not. i hope i can finish what i am suppose to do.
though i got this stress feeling, i am still able to slack (even though the slacking hours have decreased). what does it mean? means i'm still not stress up enough? means i am still thinking that the days to exam are still far away?
i suddenly missed the time where i was so stressed that i was not able to eat anything. that was during my primary school days, when i was preparing myself for the final year exams (forgotten is p4 or psle). all the pressure and stress was contributed by myself, not my parents. (yes. u didnt see wrongly.) my parents are not those kaisu parents. since young, they try not to interfere in our studies unless we fail or do very badly. i remembered during that period, my mum told me to relax, persuaded me to at least eat something and even said that results are not that important. in the end, i got the results which were slightly beyond my ideal grades.
now i feel so bad and guilty, cos i no longer have this type of stress since upper secondary days, thus i did quite badly in my studies since then. feel so sorry to my parents most of the time, as i am getting less disciplined and flexible enough to study smart besides study hard. sigh....
so sucky. i don't like this kind of feeling. it is like a moment ago, u are so stressed up that u begin to get frantic for shortage of time and then a moment later, u are slacking away as if the exams are not that near! argh!! what the hell is wrong with me?! where is my sense of urgency? where is my determination to get a second class honours? empty talk doesnt help! i need to see hardwork, actions in order to get the ultra-hard-to-attain-unless-miracle-happens-second-upper class honour.
buck up gal~! work towards ur ulitmate goal~! don't slack once u've finished with this post! concentrate hard!! (does self-encouragement work? i hope it will. cos i do not want to cry over spilt milk anymore.)
i want to change my blogskin!! have been using this for quite long liao.. initially white background now black.. quite sick of seeing le.. lol.. (though i still like the butterfly pic)
have been looking at the blogskins.. like a few of them.. argh.. cant really make a choice out of them.. zzz..
(angel: ooi!! study la.. change wat blogskin? u still got time meh?)
edited on 04 may: i've changed the skin.. nice? hee.. got black background again cos it will cut down on the amt of energy used by the comp.. save the earth~ hoho..
Jolyn_Jielin
*came to earth on 02aug
*not a typical leo
*obessed with stars and star-related stuffs
*likes 'mouth-less' kitty
*current status : still as busy
Desires
eArn lots $$
sLim doWn
dream car
find my prince
learn music instruments
learn languages
travel around the world
