Friday, August 18, 2006
i feel tat i m a very lousy person.. i never ever do my part well.. what a failure!
when my friends had problems, i can never provide advices. cos i do not have as much life experiences as they had. what i did was just listen to what they said, feel as hopeless as them, feel as lost as them, cos i did not know what to say to comfort them. *sigh* i felt very sorry for not giving them appropriate words. i scared of giving them wrong responses that will make them worse.
during a gathering or just a simple outing, i will never fail to have a sudden change in mood. i would become very ''sian'' and some of the times or rather most of the times, my expression betrayed me. to those who had noticed it, i am sorry for being such a spoiler. i dont know why i have such a strange ''habit''. maybe becos i get tired of something easily. maybe the events are not my cup of tea. but one thing to note, some of the times, i had sudden discomforts like sudden dizziness n can't breathe properly. i should go and find out the rest of reasons.
as a student, from secondary school onwards, i had failed to do my part well. results are getting poorer, year by year, like a process of decaying. why did it happened? am i being stupidier or lazier or both? am i having a memory that is getting smaller and are rusting at the rate of a rusty nail? it is so strange. the subjects i am getting are fewer for each level of studies. yet i still cant progress well.
sigh.. don't wish to continue anymore. it is depressing. even more depressing when i want to find someone to talk to, there's no one for me. either they are busy or i just can't find the right person to talk. or maybe i am just not willing to talk, cos i felt that my problems are not big deals and i had this mindset - not to bother people when they are busy with their own things.
Labels: thoughts + feelings
1:12 am
