Thursday, May 08, 2008
dear jielin,
left exactly 2 more weeks to my 1st paper. i am finally able to feel the stress rushing up since the start of this month. is it too late to have this feeling? i hope not. i hope i can finish what i am suppose to do.
though i got this stress feeling, i am still able to slack (even though the slacking hours have decreased). what does it mean? means i'm still not stress up enough? means i am still thinking that the days to exam are still far away?
i suddenly missed the time where i was so stressed that i was not able to eat anything. that was during my primary school days, when i was preparing myself for the final year exams (forgotten is p4 or psle). all the pressure and stress was contributed by myself, not my parents. (yes. u didnt see wrongly.) my parents are not those
kaisu parents. since young, they try not to interfere in our studies unless we fail or do very badly. i remembered during that period, my mum told me to relax, persuaded me to at least eat something and even said that results are not that important. in the end, i got the results which were slightly beyond my ideal grades.
now i feel so bad and guilty, cos i no longer have this type of stress since upper secondary days, thus i did quite badly in my studies since then. feel so sorry to my parents most of the time, as i am getting less disciplined and flexible enough to study smart besides study hard.
sigh....so sucky. i don't like this kind of feeling. it is like a moment ago, u are so stressed up that u begin to get frantic for shortage of time and then a moment later, u are slacking away as if the exams are not that near! argh!! what the hell is wrong with me?! where is my sense of urgency? where is my determination to get a second class honours? empty talk doesnt help! i need to see hardwork, actions in order to get the ultra-hard-to-attain-unless-miracle-happens-second-upper class honour.
buck up gal~!
work towards ur ulitmate goal~!
don't slack once u've finished with this post!
concentrate hard!!
(does self-encouragement work? i hope it will. cos i do not want to cry over spilt milk anymore.)
yours truly,
jolyn
Labels: thoughts + feelings
12:01 am
