Saturday, May 10, 2008
yesterday as i were walking home from a long day of mugging, a 'scary' thing happened.
i was listening to a light-hearted song and started to walk along with the 3-beat rhythm. 1--2--3, 1--2--3. i started to feel very peaceful and relaxed.
but after awhile, my mood swing took place.
i suddenly felt very restless and can't focus well. initially i thought i was too tired but that was not the reason. i realised i did not follow the lyrics of the song (which i usually do and will sing along softly) and it was as if i can only hear the melody of the song (maybe i got too focused on the rhythm).
then, i got this dying-soon-feeling. i can't sense the presence of my weight but i know i was still pacing with the rhythm. 1--2--3, 1--2--3. i just don't know why i got this sudden mood swing. the rhythm, the pacing and the dying feeling were the only ones in my mind. depressed and down were the next 2 feelings known to me.
then the song stopped. the next song played in my mp3player was a rock song. i followed the beat of the rhythm again. by right it should make me high since it is a rock song. but my mood was unaffected. i still felt like i was dying soon.
the next thing i know was to complete the rest of the walking journey home with this kind of feeling. it was as if something else is controlling me. definitely not my mind. is it my subconscious?
anyway, whatever it is, luckily it directed me home.
when i got home, this kind of feeling stayed with me for quite sometime. i just replied coldly to whoever was talking to me and i sat down at the sofa watching tv in daze, sliently.
ee.. scary ler.. though got this dying-soon feeling before, but it wasn't that serious in the past. what is exactly wrong with me??
********************************
oh no!! i got disfigured!! sob sob
don't know what happened during my sleep last night. must be my itchy hand!! scratched and scratched till i got a thin slit which is at least 1 cm on my nose!! ahh... got scar liao!!
oh no~~ i am disfigured!!
boo... i don't want to go out liao..
T_T
Labels: thoughts + feelings
11:20 pm
